Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
