I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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