conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
two words: eviction party
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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