There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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