and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
