i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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