he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's get the cat blown out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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