i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
