I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
