Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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