i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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