I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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