There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
