Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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