You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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