Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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