your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
