apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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