you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
