my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
