Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
