So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
