so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
