dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
