i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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