I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
