I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
