I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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