Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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