Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
