Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
