just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
