I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
