i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
