yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
