you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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