You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
