guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
