her vagine was all disorganized.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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