winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
