My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
