is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
