So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
