it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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