kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
