CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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