well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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