in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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