I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My pussy is not your playground.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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