You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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