..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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