i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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