Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
