"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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