your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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