she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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