Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
