Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
