its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
